9.11.02

It’s been a year. Hard to believe, huh? I wish I could say time flies when you’re having fun, but this last year has been anything but good times for America as a nation. However, the main concern is not what we’ve endured, but how we’ve endured. Overall, I’d say we’ve come through pretty well. A bit of a scar here or there, but otherwise in good shape. But, why have we made it through? Ironically, I think our sins have been our salvation.

Lord knows since a year ago we’ve had enough on our minds. The attacks themselves and the sad deaths of innocent civilians is, of course, the most important thing. Then we had anthrax care packages, learning all about Afghan geography based upon the latest place we leveled with a laser-guided missile, and getting a full body cavity search so you can use the bathroom on an airplane, are among the many things we had to put up with this year as a result of those attacks. These are the scars I mentioned earlier and they will probably change our lives for many years to come, if not forever. However, the toughest scar to heal has been the question on everyone’s mind, “Why were we attacked?”

As I’m sure we all know by now, there are countries and cultures out there that despise America. They despise us because of the one oldest sins known to man: jealousy. America is a relatively young country in the big scheme of things and those countries that have been around for, literally, thousands of years don’t really like us being so prosperous in such a short span of time. We’re the young whippersnappers who come in with all our new-fangled ideas like freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of the press and other such nonsense that have given everyday Americans the opportunity to make something of themselves. God forbid, huh? Well, to the people in these ancient lands, these American ideas go against everything they’ve known for thousands of years. And there’s no way they’re going to adopt the philosophy of a bunch of youngsters.

The problem is, the old ways simply don’t work anymore and this frustrates the hell out of the people in the ancient countries. They aren’t able to make as much money as Americans and they can’t figure out why. So, as a way of venting their frustration with themselves, they lash out at the Americans by flying airplanes into buildings or setting off bombs. The idea behind these actions is to break down the American system – and the best way to do that is to make Americans scared of America.

Ya see, if Americans are scared, then they won’t go to work. Therefore, production falls and America has financial troubles. If Americans are scared, they won’t go to entertaining events like baseball games or Fourth of July picnics. Instead, they’ll sit at home, their teeth chattering, unable to trust their neighbor because he might be building a bomb or mailing out envelopes filled with anthrax. If Americans are scared, maybe they’ll stop inventing technology that changes the way the world lives and they’ll all just stay at home and milk their goats. Basically, if Americans are scared, it’ll be just like living in one of these ancient countries – which is exactly what those people want to see happen. See? It’s all about jealousy.

So that explains why some idiots attacked New York and Washington D.C. last year. But how are Americans reacting? Are we cowering in fear on the off chance that the plane we’re riding in could suddenly explode? Are we staying home from work because a suicide bomber might let himself into the lobby of our office building? Well, no. We’ve had a lot more important things on our mind this last twelve months.

For example, who is going to win “American Idol” has been a popular topic. I know we all saw “Spider- Man” and Austin Powers in “Goldmember” this summer. Man, do I love this new Vanilla Coke! I can’t believe they’re going to shut Napster down. Should I get the Xbox, the PS2 or the Game Cube? I’m sure you’ve heard Eminem’s latest hit.

I know it seems like I’m being completely and utterly sarcastic here, but I’m really not. The worst possible thing we can do to the terrorist’s morale is to not be affected by his actions. He wants to bring down everything we hold dear and if we can simply continue to work our dead-end jobs, rack up credit card debt, think wearing a certain label on our jeans makes us a better person, and keep buying IKEA furniture, there’s no way he can ever reach his goal. The more we live in our bloated, egotistical ways, the farther away from the fear of terrorism we’ll be. And in the end…that’s how we’ll beat them.

Next year, I say we ignore September 11. It’s just another day. Sure, we should remember what happened, but remember it like we do December 7, 1941 - as a terrible day in our nation’s history, but one that we were able to move past and let go...and then buy stuff. Because that’s really what the American spirit is all about and has been since our birth two hundred plus years ago.

On this, the one-year anniversary of the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks, I can say, yes, America is different today than it was then. But as the old saying goes, “the more things change, the more they stay the same”. No one can stop that unless we say so, and I don’t think we’re ready to roll over just yet. Not while BMW keeps making such stylish, luxurious cars that are way out of our price range; and, ya know, thank God for that. And God bless America while He’s at it.

Space Monkey X