8.08.01

Ugh. I'm sorry, Monkeys, I'm just really wiped out today. Besides, I don't have much to discuss anyway. Been too busy getting my old apartment closed out to really be able to do too much critical thinking about life. Although I did have 6 hours of travel last weekend, I was mainly thinking about the literary projects I have going on as well as a new one I came up with during my first 3 hours.

Wow. I have absolutely nothing to talk about...

Uh...reading The Adventures of Tom Sawyer right now. Just getting into the heart of the story - Injun Joe has just killed the Doctor and framed Mr. Potter for it. Forgotten how good that book is.

Oh! Got signed up for classes at my local community college. One of them is a class on GIS (Geographic Information Systems) - basically computerized cartography, with some differences - that's getting paid for by my employer, so that's always nice. I'm also taking a ceramics class - how's that for fucked up? I wanted to take a writing class, but they wouldn't let me without having my transcripts sent to them to prove that I had taken some other writing classes before - I wasn't in the mood for waiting on that shit, so I just told them I'd look for something else. I looked at “Introduction to Cinema”, but then I thought to myself "I'm not really expanding my horizons or anything. I'm basically paying $150 to watch movies that I've probably already seen and having to write papers on them." So, I went with something I've never done before - ceramics. I figure even if I suck at it, at least I'll know I suck at it instead of not knowing. Either way, should be fun and maybe Demi Moore will show up.

Saw a really great little movie last night called "American Movie". It's a documentary about this guy up in Wisconsin who all his life the only thing he's ever wanted to do was to make movies. He's quite a character and his buddy, Mike, is the most unintentionally funny guy I've ever seen, even beating out my friend Justin for that title.

The wonderful thing about the film is the parallel stories that are told of the main guy, Mark, and his ancient, almost on his death bed, Uncle Bill. Uncle Bill is a man who, at one time in his life, was like his nephew - full of life, full of vitality, full of dreams, and full of creativity. However, in his old age, after losing a wife and living a solitary life in a rundown trailer, he is only waiting for the Reaper - full of despair, no aspirations, cynical, and trying to hinder Mark's dreams of becoming a filmmaker at every turn.

Uncle Bill, though, sees what Mark is doing, and he understands it, even enjoys it in some way. He remembers what it was like to be a dreamer, hoping that one day his creative spark might lead to him having a better life.

As we learn, though, this was never the case with poor, old, Uncle Bill; somewhere along the line he lost that hope, he lost that drive to be something else, and fell into the normalcy and boredom of life in Wisconsin.

Watching these two men battle it out through the film is really quite amazing. Uncle Bill is trying to discourage Mark from succeeding, because he's doesn’t want his unfulfilled dreams thrown back in his face. Yet he realizes that this was him 50 years ago and still makes attempts to help Mark get his movie made; even giving him $3,000 to finish the film.

Although American Movie gives us all that little feeling of hope that we can make our dreams come true, it also makes you reflect and wonder, “Am I as nuts as this guy is?” There is a fine line between genius and lunacy; between being good at something and thinking you’re good at something. This film definitely makes you question which side of that line you’re on, and in some ways pushes you in one direction or the other.

Personally, it makes me lean to the lunacy side, questioning what talents I think I have, wondering what the hell I’m thinking wanting to be a writer. Maybe I should just go work at a factory for the rest of my life and stop chasing these pipe dreams; it sure is the easier route. But I don’t want to end up like Uncle Bill, sitting alone in a messy trailer all day, needing to be given a bath by my nephew, drinking peppermint schnapps, depressed and wondering if maybe I could have been something more.

If you’ve ever dreamt of fame, or maybe dreaming of it right now, and think you have some talent that the world needs to see, I highly recommend you rent this film. It shows both sides of the dreamer coin – those who fought through despite maybe not having the talent to succeed and those who surrendered, never knowing if they had that talent in the first place. Again, I think it will help you along your quest, to realize which path you need to take.

Well, not much else to talk about, really. Looking forward to a boring weekend, using my last $12 to buy more spaghetti sauce so I have something to eat next week. Should be able to get some writing done at least.

Space Monkey