10.23.02

To start off this week, a little good news - I had an interview at Borders last Sunday and for all intents and purposes I got a part-time job there. They can’t officially offer me anything until November 1, but basically the Assistant Manager and I talked for almost an hour about our common interests and he said to me, “I don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t get hired, so I’m not even going to bother asking you these questions”, referring to the typical interview questions (“What didn’t you like about that job?” “Do you like working with people?”, etc.) So, either he was completely pulling my leg or I’ll be expecting a call come November 1.

Other than that, it’s been more of the same – writing, working, working out, and watching movies.

This weekend should be fun, though. I’m making a whirlwind tour through the home front for hockey, butt crack of dawn tailgating, drinking, partying and catching up with some old friends. Should be tons of fun.

A few weeks back, a writer’s website I frequent had an exercise for you to do. They wanted you to make out your will and testament, handing out your personal belongings to whomever you wanted. Although this could easily turn into a Twilight Zone episode, with the big ironic twist at the end being that I somehow die in a mysterious accident involving saran wrap, a mule and a six-pack of Budweiser, it sounded like a fun idea.

Right off the bat, I have to say my family gets first pick of everything. No matter what I gave to anyone else, if my Dad said he wants it, it’s his. If the family wants to pick and choose and leave the rest for whomever I say it should go to, that’s their prerogative and the gift receiver is just going to have to be SOL. However, that aside, here’s my list.

Books and Movies (including any storage units used to contain them) – These go to Steve Steward. He and I share very similar interests, so I know he’d at least like a lot of the stuff I own. If he gets some items he doesn’t want, he’s welcome to forge the author’s/director’s/star’s signature and sell it on Ebay for three times the cover price.

Comic Books – All G.I. Joe’s will go to my Dad, with the idea that he hold onto them until such time as he recognizes someone who would appreciate and care for them properly, as well as respect what I went through to get the entire collection. Ideally, I’m thinking one of my nieces will have a son someday and he’d like to see the stuff his Great Uncle Rob, whom he never knew, was into. Barring that, sell the things for whatever you can get, Dad. Any other comics will go to Fred Royster, who is one of the few people I can talk comics with. Sorry you can’t have the G.I. Joe’s, Fred, but I gotta keep those in the family. Hope you understand. If you don’t like any of them, sell em on WizardWorld.com or Ebay.

Clothes – These will all go to Jackie Mathias. She was always raiding my closet in college and whatever she didn’t like, I’m sure she would know some kind of charity organization that could use them. If nothing else, Jack, sell them on Ebay and get another tattoo.

Pipes and pipe paraphernalia – These will go to Justin Kingston who is always saying “I wish I had a pipe”, even though he does have a pipe, but he never brings it with him anywhere. Now, he’ll have three more pipes, meaning he can leave one in the car, one at the office, and two at home, so he’ll always have a pipe. If you don’t want them, JK, sell them on Ebay to college students who would like an alternative to bongs.

“Spank” the monkey lamp – Ben Clark, because monkeys are cool. However, with Ben’s luck, he’ll end up selling Spank on Ebay for at least six-times what I paid for him.

P.O.S. computer – First I ask that one of my computer-savvy friends go through and it copy off anything that my Dad might want (websites I’ve designed, stuff I’ve written, etc.), then format the hard drive and make an anonymous donation to an underprivileged kid living in some South Bronx shithole, so that he can sell it on Ebay and proceed to buy heroin with the measly $10 he’d make off the auction.

Maxim Magazine Collection – Justin Kingston, two words: E. Bay. Four more words: Pay. On. Credit. Cards.

Playboy Magazines – I’d like to donate these to Fisher High School’s library with the stipulation that when they are delivered, a Polaroid be taken of the librarian’s face as she opens the box. I’d then like that picture to be buried with me because I’m going to need something to laugh at for the rest of eternity. Once the delivery has been made, the librarian is welcome to sell the issues on Ebay.

African masks – Justin Kingston, I recommend the “Art” category on Ebay. And, please, include a picture of them standing next to a ruler. The masks they sell on there always seem huge until you see the dimensions as being 2x2x4 and then it just pisses you off. Thanks. And then when you’ve sold them, use the money to pay off your credit cards.

Big Middle Finger from Green Day concert – This, too, should be buried with me. And during the visitation, I’d really appreciate it if it could be displayed prominently on the casket so that everyone can see it.

1996 Grand Prix SE – Well, since I’m sure I owe more on it than it’s worth, I guess the Fisher National Bank will reclaim this. Unless my niece Alison, who will be turning 16, can somehow make the payments, and then she’s more than welcome to it. The only stipulation – she has to leave the Transformers decal in the rear window until she’s done driving it. After that she’s welcome to sell the whole car on Ebay.

Clothes dresser – Ben Clark, since it’s his anyway and he has just let me use it for the last three years or so. He’s welcome to sell it on Ebay if he doesn’t need it.

Toys – Dad, which should immediately be sold on Ebay since the whole 1980’s retro thing is sort of “in” at the moment.

Futon – Monte Ellis can just keep this. He’s welcome to try to sell it on Ebay, but I can’t imagine it would be very easy to ship.

TV/DVD player/Receiver/VCR – Monte can just keep these, too. Now there are a few things he could sell on Ebay…

“The Tub” – Dad. I do actually have one of those plastic tubs that is jam-packed with stuff that might be worth something someday to someone on Ebay. It’s where I store all my old magazines that seemed like important issues (JFK assassination, for example), the newspapers from 9/11 that I’ve kept, my program from the 1915 silent film “Birth of a Nation”, and various other things that could someday be considered collectibles. Again, I’d say hold onto them for another 10 years and then they’d be great Ebay items.

Anything with the Chicago Cubs on it – Mark Brake, a true Cub fan. About the only thing of any value might be the home game program from Harry Carey’s last home game, with a big picture of Harry on the cover. I also have the commemorative program from Ryan Sandberg’s last home game. They might be worth something on Ebay.

Spacemonkeyx.com, dailycupojoe.com, stlfilmclub.com – Ben and JK. Guys, please download anything from these websites for my Dad, using my work PC which has all my login and passwords stored in SmartFTP. Just burn them off on a CD-ROM and give it to him. He can make copies for anyone who wants them after that (Dad, look up Amber Bean and give her a copy). Once you’re done, Ben or JK can give the film club domain to whatever member wants it and then each of you can take one of the other two domain names and do whatever you want with it. I recommend selling it on Ebay.

“by Rob Lammle” – Amber Bean. Dad, once Ben or JK gives you the CD of all the personal stuff from my home computer, please print out everything I’ve written and give them to Amber, who has been my biggest supporter during the last year when I’ve started writing again. And Amber, if you don’t want them, you’re welcome to try to sell them on Ebay, but I doubt anyone would want them. I guess my birth parents might want a copy of these, too; I can’t think of anything else they’d want.

Organs – whoever needs them. As far as I’m concerned, bury an empty corpse and give the rest to science, some poor little girl in Oklahoma or sell them on Ebay.

Anything else – whoever gets hold of it, Ebay it. If it’s not on this list, it probably isn’t that important to me, so get rid of it. In fact, maybe I should be Ebaying some of this stuff right now…

I find it interesting that in that entire list, the only thing that isn’t worth anything to anyone on Ebay is the one thing that would be the most indicative of who I was – my writing. It’s either a very sobering thought or a great one; I’m not sure. It definitely reinforces my little quote that you’ll see every once in a while up above – “Art is the only path to immortality.”

What are you going to leave behind? Will it all just be Ebay fodder? Or will there be something so personal that no one except those who loved you would ever want it? I’ll skip the Ebay fodder any day of the week.

Space Monkey X