10.17.01

Ahhh, it’s been over a month since the attacks on the World Trade Center towers and Washington D.C. Things are finally starting to get back to normal. Ok, ok, so there’s some wacko out there who keeps sending little care packages of either coffee creamer or anthrax – either way it’s not a very funny joke. However, it seems to me that the average Joe Sixpack…might be overreacting a little bit.

All this week with the ever-growing incidents of anthrax, people around me – friends, co-workers, people on internet chat boards – they’re all saying something similar to “The world is going to hell in a handcart”. Why? Just because some guy is sending out anthrax spores? People, people, people – anthrax is not your worst problem. You’re more likely to accidentally slit your throat with your “Mach 3 razor from Gillette” tomorrow morning, than be infected by anthrax. These “attacks” are not random events that happen everyday (I hear the number of people who die from Mach 3 related wounds is astounding, though). These attacks are targeted to specific people who mean something to this country. No offense, but the country will somehow continue to operate if you’re not there to check out my purchases at Wal-Mart.

Governor Pataki, Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle - these are important people right now. Tom Brokaw is one of the most widely recognized faces in the media. I have NO clue what the major newspaper is in Dayton, Miami, Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, or most any other major city in this country - and I’m willing to bet you don’t either. But a show of hands - How many people have heard of The National Enquirer?

There is no list in Osama Bin Laden’s camp that looks like this:

C’mon, people. You, Joe Sixpack, do not have to worry about anthrax coming via your mailbox. Well, I take that back, if you’re the secretary or the mail clerk for anyone who is important, you might get nailed. However, if you work one of these jobs right now, I hear McDonald’s is hiring and I’ll bet the pay is about the same.

If you really want to be scared about something – be scared about the random acts of violence that go on around us everyday that are done by our “fellow Americans”. When some guy walks into a Wendy’s with an AK-47 and starts shooting up the place because Jimmy in the drive-thru didn’t make it a plain spicy chicken sandwich like he asked for – that’s something you should be much more concerned with.

Be afraid of the car jackers, the dope fiends, the unknown child molester that lives with the babysitter that’s watching your kids today while you’re at work, the man who beats his wife because she didn’t have dinner on the table when he got home. Be afraid of the dangers all around you that might actually strike Joe Sixpack – not anthrax being sent to celebrities.

Besides, what can you really do if someone does start sending out random letters of anthrax? (Random Letters of Anthrax – now there’s a band name if I ever heard one) You can’t do shit, people. If your time has come, make your peace with God, Allah, Joe Pesci, whomever you give praise to, and accept your fate. If you receive a letter of anthrax, but it isn’t your time, we have antibiotics for you people. Have faith in your God (Joe…I’m countin’ on ya, Buddy!)

So, yeah, the world is going to hell in a handcart, but we were those kids in the backseat whining “Are we there yet?” way before September 11. Live your life; don’t let them win without even having to attack you. But do be careful with your Mach 3 razor from Gillette…please, I beg you.

Space Monkey X