Space Monkey X

Archive for June, 2006

Jun-30-2006

Everyone pray for Rob Schneider…please

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but…brace yourself for this…Rob Schneider collapsed on the set of his new movie, Big Stan! They say it’s just food poisoning and heat exhaustian, but to think we came so close to losing one of this generation’s comedic geniuses…I…I just can’t bare to think of it.

It sounds like he’s doing ok now, though. Thank God, because I just don’t know if I could have bared the thought of not seeing Big Stan. I mean, just listen to this synopsis:

“Schneider, who recently starred in “The Benchwarmers” and “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo,” is directing the new movie in which he plays Big Stan, a con man locked up on fraud charges who learns kung fu to defend himself against other inmates.”

That’s comedic gold right there, folks. I mean, I can’t wait to hear the disco hit “Kung Fu Fighting” 36 times in 90 minutes. That never gets old.

So as you go about your day, try to think of Rob and all that he’s going through right now. Just spare a thought for him, try to send him some “get well soon” vibes, and maybe, just maybe, if we all pull together and think positively, Rob will be able to deliver this much-needed film in this, our most desperate hour…

Posted under ALL
Jun-28-2006

DIY Modern Art

Take the brush and splatter on some paint like Jackson Pollock at jacksonpollock.org

To change colors, just click your mouse button. To start with a fresh canvas, hit the refresh button on your browser.

Now if they could only add an “Export Image” option, it would be perfect. I guess you could always take a screenshot…

Posted under ALL, Websites
Jun-28-2006

School’d!

Last night I went down to UMSL to get signed up for Fall classes. For whatever reason, UMSL never has a very good selection of evening English courses for the Fall semester, so it’s often a “take what I can get” situation. Sadly, this year is no exception. As of right now I’ll be taking “Medieval English Literature”. Exciting, I know. The only other course that would have been available for me this semester, “Editing”, which I would have loved to have taken, falls under one of the sub-groups of study that I have already satisfied. So Medieval Lit it is.

I still need to sign up for one more course, but I have to take the placement exam first. That’s right, kids, I have to take a math course this semester. However, the next available time for me to take the placement exam is in July, so I’m planning on doing a little brushing up before then and will hopefully be able to walk in there and get into either “Algebra I” or “Contemporary Math” (AKA “Pretty Easy Math for English and Fine Arts Majors Because We Have to Make You Take Something”). I don’t really care which one I get into, as long as I pass with my required C-.

Now for the potentially bad news. Because there is such a lack of English courses available this semester, I’m only going to be able to take six credit hours as of right now. I’m going to contact a few professors and see about one of the “Independent Writing Project” courses that are available, but that’s sort of up in the air. This means that with 6 credits this semester and 9 in the Spring, I’ll be 3 credits away from my required number to graduate. So I’ll either need to take a summer course in 2007 or wait until the following Fall semester to take one more class. Obviously I’m really hoping that someone will let me do an independent writing project to prevent that scenario from happening. But, again, we’ll have to wait and see what the professors have to say.

So it should be an interesting semester. For whatever reason, I’m not worried about the math in the slightest. I don’t know why. I guess after tackling Spanish for three semesters, finding what X equals doesn’t seem all that daunting anymore. Maybe I’m just kidding myself, though. I guess we’ll find out!

Posted under ALL, Personal News
Jun-26-2006

Running Scared

Yeah, I’m not a big Paul Walker fan either, but thanks to the seemingly constant recommendations from the Sewer Chewers at CHUD, I gave this one a shot. Gotta say it surprised me. It’s a pretty brutal action film that sort of takes you by the jugular and doesn’t let go. There’s quite a bit of Guy Ritchie-style direction and editing, which, depending upon how you feel about that style, either keeps things interesting or looks like someone’s showing off. But the biggest surprise was actually Walker. He has his moments of…dare I say…brilliance here. The guy can act from time to time. Meaning, he wasn’t completely convincing during the entire running time, but every once in a while he surprised me. For sheer noir action, though, you could do a lot worse.

3 / 5 bananas

Posted under ALL, Movie Journal
Jun-26-2006

“Hostel”: More than meets the (gouged out) eye?

SPOILER WARNING – I will be discussing some of this film’s major plot points later in this post, so if you don’t want to have a few surprises ruined, you might want to skip this entry. If you’re curious, though, I liked the film and would recommend it to those who can stomach some nasty horror-movie violence, some “sexual situations”, drug use, and hearing the F-bomb about every 30 seconds.

Now, on with the show…

There’s a recent trend of what are being called “Survivor Horror” movies, named after a similar type of video game where the main character has to fight through a prison of some kind, facing psychotic, knife-wielding maniacs every step of the way, until they are able to escape with their lives. Essentially these new types of films are the offspring of the 70′s and 80′s slasher films with the twist being that the tension is ramped up to almost non-stop proportions for at least the last hour of the film. Back in the day, Freddy, Jason and Leatherface would kill one screaming teenager, then there would be twenty minutes of no bloodshed before another kid fell victim to a chainsaw, followed by another break in the action. Nowadays, the Survior Horror films lure us in during the first hour with only hints at something sinister under the surface. Then they attack and don’t let go until the hero fights his/her way through the gauntlet. It’s an interesting twist and one that I’m not necessarily opposed to. The build-up is definitely an effective way for us to get to know the characters and, again, to hint around at the evil that is approaching our unwitting victims.

Despite their popularity, not many slasher or survivor horror movies are seen as serious films. Their stories are generally seen as flimsy frameworks to setup the violence and, usually, this is the case. However, there are the rare exceptions where there’s something a little more brewing under the surface that makes a serious horror fan take notice. For example, pretty much the entire movie “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” is more or less taking shots at the 1970′s economic downturn and the extents people had to go to “make it” in America. And now the Survivor Horror genre has it’s first stand-out film with “Hostel”.

Two American guys and an Icelandic friend (who I found out was shoe-horned into the story after the filmmaker met him) are backpacking through Europe in a constant search for sex, drugs, and more sex, setting up the morality play concept that was so often the case in the slasher films where immoral behavior usually means certain death. The three men are obnoxious, rude, and very self-centered, insulting, yelling, and generally disrespecting the hometown folks every chance they get. The film’s first truly subversive moment comes when we as the American audience begin to loathe these idiots. We can’t believe how they’re acting and we almost get a sense of joy in knowing that they will be getting their just desserts later in the film. It’s subversive because little do we realize that these men/boys are symbolic of how Europe views Americans.

In the current global political climate, America is seen as the brash, unthinking animal that believes itself superior to everyone else. We start fights (like the guys do in the bar), we don’t think the rules apply to us (like when the guys get locked out of the hostel for returning too late at night), and all we look for in life is pleasure (like the guys do throughout the first half of the film). We as a people are also less-educated about other cultures and generally choose to dismiss it as “dumb” instead of learning about it and accepting it. We expect the world to conform to us, rather than the other way around. In Hostel, these jackasses are simply a personification of this American attitude.

However, it is when we find out the first big twist – that the slaughterhouse is for high-paying, sadistic customers to torture and kill helpless victims – that we get the idea of just how hated Americans are. These paying customers are able to choose their victim’s nationality and the Americans are the most sought after in the world. They therefore fetch the most money: $25,000 a head (no pun intended) if memory serves. There’s a certain amount of vindictive joy these customers get in killing an American. After seeing the behavior of our travelers, it’s no wonder why. But the key thing to notice is, even if our travelers had been on a missionary trip, helping feed starving children, it wouldn’t have mattered to the paying customer. They just want the chance to kill an American because of pre-conceived ideas of what Americans are like.

Of course one has to ask why Europeans would feel this way about us. Is it our economic advantage? Is it because our Big Mac and Coca-Cola culture has seeped into every crevice of the world? Is it because of our no-rules actions since 9/11 in the Middle East, which most of the Eurpean Union has disowned? It’s hard to say, but I believe the animosity shown in this little horror film has some basis in truth. For whatever reason, other countries can’t stand us and would probably love to see us all knocked down a peg or two. In the world of Hostel, they get their chance.

Perhaps one of the most subversive moments in the film occurs towards the end, as our lone remaining American has escaped the slaughterhouse with his friend, a Japanese girl, in tow (The many parallels between America and Japan are apparent). As the getaway car is racing through the narrow streets, the hero is stopped by a gang of kids who have been a thorn in the sides of the Americans since they arrived in Slovakia. Affectionately known as “The Bubblegum Gang” by the filmmakers, the hero gives them a bag full of candy in exchange for their help when the bad guys show up in the alley a few moments later. And, boy, do the kids help. Not only do they stop the vehicle, but also pull the men out and beat them to death while other members give the car a good once-over with crowbars and bats. They do all this while blowing bubbles and chomping on candy.

It’s subversive because the kids are willing to kill their own people for what the American offers them. Take this to a higher level and it’s bubblegum now, next time it could be job opportunities or it could be simply an American cultural influence “killing” their own country’s culture. Will the Bubblegum Gang be content to see one of their own factories go under because the American one down the street is paying a little more? Is America corrupting the minds of European youth by satiating their American-influenced need for materialistic goods and disposable pop culture? The future of the Bubblegum Gang, as with the rest of Europe’s youth population, is uncertain, but one has to wonder if an American hand might one day be influencing them to commit an economic and cultural genocide on their own people.

Ok, ok, so chances are most of this post is utter bullshit. I’m sure all the filmmakers intended was to scare kids and make everyone squirm in their seats as they see a girl’s face get roasted with a butane torch. But I also think it’s part of a film buff’s job to look deeper into films, to search for hidden meanings that maybe even the filmmakers didn’t intend. The best art is that which has meaning without being intentionally meaningful. When this happens we see the artist’s true thoughts and emotions poured onto the screen, the page, the canvas, or in the notes they play. None of us want to be preached to, but if we can get the message while watching a guy have a power drill inserted into his shoulder, maybe we’ll still get something more out of it than a little animalistic thrill.

4 / 5 bananas

Posted under ALL, Movie Journal